Like My Mother Does

Dear mom,

 

Love,

Briley

Practice What You Preach

Today I told my mom I needed to go get a hair trim and my eyebrows waxed before I move back next week and don't have time to do it.
Her response: "OH MY GOSH. Seriously? You act like you're entering a pageant or something. You do not need that."
..Any other time she'd be telling me I NEED to go get a hair cut or licking her finger and combing my eyebrow down. (Which is disgusting so make a mental note to stop doing that. Especially in public)

But on a serious note, Mom.. Practice what you preach.
My mom is ALWAYS making such a scene in parking lots because people drive all over them, go the wrong way and weave in and out of cars. Every time it happens, she goes "Look at that! Look at them! So stupid. That is how people get in wrecks."

Okay, so she makes such a big fuss about it.. But what does Johni do? Johni drives through the parking lot the wrong way, doesn't use the aisles like you're supposed to and cuts across parking spots. I know as soon as she reads this she's going to come in my room and say "I do not do that." Mom, you do. You did it tonight in the old Food Lion parking lot on the highway. You give me advice all the time, and my advice to you today is practice what you preach. And after she reads that part she's going to come back into my room and say, "you're going to miss me when I die."

She also parks in Hawaii and we're trying to get to Georgia. For example, we go to Chick-fil-a, we park at Applebee's. We go to Wal-Mart we park in Egypt.

I'm moving in a few days..

Thank the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty above.. I am moving back to Greenville.

My mom will NOT buy me curtains for my house and so she is showing me how to make curtains out of sheets. Sheets that go on your bed, yes.

And now, she is trying to buy me an inflatable headboard that comes with a pump and floral slip cover.

Please save me. Or give me furniture.
That's all.

When my Mom texts..

Today, I went to the doctor, I won't say what's wrong with me but I will say that I texted my mom while I was there to keep her updated. Our conversation went like this:
Briley: She doesn't know if it's my gallbladder.
Mom: :D
Briley: I have to go by the hospital.
Mom: :o
Briley: She is transferring me to another doctor.
Mom: :(
Briley: Stop with the smileys.
Mom: : |

And if I text her a question, this is how our conversation goes..
Briley: Can I go shop in Greenville today?
Mom: Y
Briley: Why not?
Mom: Y=Yes
Mom: Duh

..Yes is not abbreviated as 'Y', Mom. WHY is abbreviated as 'Y'.

Big Things Come in Small Packages

I was laying in my bed waiting for my mom to decide on our dinner plans tonight. And as I'm waiting in my room Ruby is barking, wanting to go outside. I hear a scream from my mom's room and she says, "RUBY. GET A LIFE! GAH!"

We finally decided on dinner. I drove mom's car and of course she's sitting in the passenger seat dancing her little heart out. The first song to come on the radio is "Beat It" by Michael Jackson. My mom LOVES Michael Jackson. I'm pretty sure she cried when he passed away. So she has her hands in the air and is moving around all the way to the restaurant.

While we're there Mom starts talking about herself back in the day. She mentioned some man and said, "he called me peanut." "Some of my friends called me Dynamite!" ........... My mom, Dynamite? I asked her why and her response: "Cause big things come in small packages! And I was small."

Cheetah Print Glasses

Yesterday, my mom and I spent the entire afternoon together shopping and doing other things. We made what I thought was our last stop at Walmart to pick up groceries. There, a truck full of teenage boys kept riding by mom and I, and as they made their last circle around us mom sighs, "Gah! I wish they'd quit staring at me!"

Then, she wanted to go to the Dollar Tree. I stayed in the car because the Dollar Tree in K-Town has some weird, weird people in it (hence, Mom is in there). So, I'm sitting in the car, waiting, reading my magazine. About fifteen minutes pass and I look up to see a deranged woman skipping and hopping through the parking lot with glasses on..... Yep, it's my mom. She has bought a pair of reading glasses for a dollar. They are square and covered in cheetah print and she claims they look great with her hair.

We move on from the Dollar Tree and mom wants to go to McDonald's to get a cheeseburger before going home. We get into the drive thru and pull up to order. If you've been to a McDonald's drive-thru you know that they have an automated message before you order that is recommending something to you. Most people just decline the offer with a simple "no." Nope, not my mom. She raises her voice at the speaker box saying "If y'all take that message off and just ask people what they want you might get more orders! No! I don't want that mess!" .. That's all for today. Love ya mom.

The Best Day of My Mom's Life

Today is my 20th birthday. Which means I am a full-fledged adult. Which means only 364 days until I am 21. Which means I should have my own bank account. Which means I can make decisions for myself. Which means it all goes down hill from here. In sharing the above with my mom she told me to "get real."

Like usual I wore the crown my mom gave me when I turned 16, the 'Happy Birthday' banner was hung on the mantle, and my Mema and Great Aunt Geraldine called and left voicemails singing to me. I had dinner with all of my family in Greenville and got lots of cards filled with $20.

My mama gave me a little something different, she gave me 2 portraits of Abraham Lincoln which comes to be $10. And this card full of encouraging words, on the front it had a bookmark attached to it. Thanks Mom!






This is mom and I after dinner, and I am wearing my crown of course. I am also smiling really big. I think I was excited about that bookmark! The card did not say so but I heard that I would be getting my present tomorrow. Excited/nervous to see it!


Thanks to my family for making this a special day! 
"God does not promise us that there will be no problems, but He does promise to never make us go through them alone. Having His peace in your heart enables you to enjoy the journey while enduring the hardships."

When Life Gives You Pickles..

If my mom isn't texting me bible verses, she is texting me words of wisdom that she made up on her own. Today the advice was:
"When life gives you pickles, make a hamburger."
Not exactly sure what that means, or how to take that. But, I appreciate it, Mom.

After that she said: "Something ain't right!" as she looked down at her pants. She was correct, something wasn't right.. Her pants were inside out.

Meet My Mom

I am the middle child and a Broadcast Journalism major at East Carolina University. I have always wanted to start a blog but I never thought anything in my life was worth reading about. That was until my mom told me a ridiculous story that basically revolved around a chicken sandwich and neither my little brother, Lane, or I found it funny.

If you know my mom, you know that she's fun, religious, smart and is up for anything that doesn't make her hair curl and that fits in the budget. If she's mad at you, she will tell you that she will pray for you and if you're mad at her, she will tell you to let it go, go to another room, or "bump you."



So, Meet My Mom: